I hate confrontations. If things can be solved amicably great! If not… just avoid. Still, god seems to believe that I must go through fights and so I do. Day in and day out. With friends and acquaintances, institutions and individuals, the self and the on self…. its like a constant conflict on all fronts and it drains you of energy. When you suddenly discover that you have been a fool, it feels awful. Almost like an insult. Knocks the wind out of you. Makes a little tear trickle down your cheek that you can only wipe away impatiently.