Sitting On the wall…

“…They say I swing dexterously from aboriginal wild child to cultured sober…it’s funny how “individuality” can lead to delusion (you are important to those around, very important in fact) to detachment (you know you are not indispensable and that you could withdraw)…

Funny how communal motivations can choke as well as be a driving force (the RSS relief operations I concede are unsurpassed) and how when you discover the chasm between them you could curl up and sleep, not tempted to–not wanting to awake.

What is motivation? What is struggle? Is it worth it? Or does it always, essentially, backfire? I see stages of life around me, I see tormented souls…

I know pain is transient; but why the pain? Why is it imperative? Why is there no grand escape?
Dragged essentially dragged– to the war front? The wolves…..
Where are the aids? Self construction they say- Create them. But directionless…Where
does one head? No tools no materials then are there?

As i drift..I wonder

Ever felt full? When it’s not wholesome but you know you’ve reached the outermost layers of your heart? That if you walked up to the top of a building you wud want to leap off…
You wished you had wings, you needed to soar but knowing you have none, you still want to leap off? ….”

Leap off and in that flight and fall find love.