Angst


I am not sure if it is anger, disappointment, fury or just plain frustration that is plaguing me. I think I’m alternating between all of them. How do you deal with a situation that you know is unfair? That you deserved better and still didn’t get what you wanted. How do you reprimand yourself for pinning hopes on the chance, that you thought you knew was a chance nevertheless despite how talented you might be. How do you feel happiness for someone who just got lucky, when it should have been you instead. What can you say when you know that there is but one ground on which you have been rejected and that it is YOU and only YOU who can be held responsible for it. How do you tell yourself not to be bitter when you know that the alteration of a mere fact could have brought for you days of joy and an experience of a lifetime? Honesty? Stupidity? Right? Moral…. Bloody hell!