Sometimes you realize that its been too long.
Too long since you’ve been on one side of the fence. Too long since someone called you, went for a walk with you, shared you as the prize with friends, had conversation, behaved as if you were a variable in future plans that could change the ‘effect size’…
Am I out of it?
What if the differences suddenly seem sharper the familiarities? What if a certain part of you has gone cold, if the rains are a little less wonderful, the winds blow a little less softly than they used to….
If silences are longer and heavier than the laughter?
I know we say working on it helps, but what if working on it is no longer an appealing thought? What if every word seems like a potential escape hatch. What do you do with a feeling that keeps telling you — Its you and the crowd, again. And you don’t care enough about the crowd anyway.
What if you feel that the fundamentals are disappointing. Am I out of it?
The face no longer lights up any warmth in your heart, the words seem like unsolicited advice, the phone calls are an obligation and the effort seems totally unnecessary.
What do you with the effort you made for so long? Give up on it? Move to a different city and forget it? Stay in the same place and fight alone because there is longer anyone to share with who would understand anyway?
What if you are own best friend now, if people you would barely call friends seem to care and do more for you in comparison? Is it time then? You tell me…