HR Horrors

I haven’t done an MBA and I definitely don’t know anything about human resource management, but I really think I could write a book about the-art-of-writing-a-resume.

I spent my day today looking at potential employees and laughed enough for someone to consider me nuts.

At any rate, here are some of the horrors I got and therefore some lessons:

1. Photographs: Unless the application is to a modelling agency, don’t bother. Nobody cares about your face – in particular nobody cares for a full length photograph.

2. References: Do not put down your husband/father/cousin etc., as references and then explain the relationship. In addition to being useless its also stupid.

3. Get the name of the organization right: You cannot apply to the UN when we are not the UN.

4. Referring to your ‘selves’: Avoid talking about yourself in multiples. Its disconcerting.

5. The personal attributes/interests column: If you don’t know how to use it, take it out. Seriously, I don’t care if you enjoy watching NDTV in spare time. Oh sorry, I do care. It means I won’t hire you.

6. Using words you do not understand: If you don’t know why ‘transparency’ is important, don’t use the word. I feel flabbergasted at your stupidity. Especially if you call yourself transparent.

7. Do not beg for the job: Do not say “I surrender my application”. If I wanted ‘surrender’ I would be hiring for love, not work.

8. Cover Letters: If nothing else, write a good cover letter. A blank e-mail with an attachment just shows laziness.

9. If you have no direct experience: No sweat. Just don’t send me a CV with experience in ARM technology and Ghz processors. Tell me instead– Β why you want to make the switch and what skills you have that are transferable.

10. Don’t be a saint: Just because you want to work with the development sector, doesn’t mean you have to be “selfless in every endeavor”. Saints don’t get things done.

11. Applying for multiple posts: Don’t apply for every post that the organisation advertises. They already have your CV on file once, its only irritating to see the same cover letter/CV five times.

12. Interviews: Give telephone numbers on your CV that work and that you are reachable at. Speak in whatever language you are comfortable in – if English was a requirement, it would have been stated in the job description. When called don’t ask “what company are you calling from”?…have you not been listening?!

13. “Mr.” : Don’t automatically assume your recruiter is a man!

14. FWDs: Do not send an application with “fwd” in the title. Its obvious someone wrote it for you. While you are at it, make fonts consistent.

πŸ˜€

3 thoughts on “HR Horrors

  1. lol…nice one…every1 realizes the difficulty of finding a suitable employee, only while recruiting

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  2. ROFL .. LMAO .. LOL .. Ohh jus add all de colligated abbreviations πŸ™‚

    One thin fa sure .. I now know to find de ingredient of jape in every resume ‘m gonna come across πŸ™‚

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  3. Rolling with laughter here πŸ™‚
    Did you actually see such resumes, especially the ones with photos and references as family members? πŸ™‚ You are in an interesting job !!!

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