Why independence is overrated and marriage difficult…

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I’m nearly over the hill as far being young and happy is concerned. Its time of course then — to start worrying about things like weddings, families, housing, income and all the other mundane must-does that life entails.

Lately I’ve wondered why relationships in general fizzle out whenever the woman talks about ‘marriage‘ or ‘commitment’. It’s almost like rolling the relationship into a tiny ball and dropping it in a beer keg filled with ice. Freeze. Dying. Dead. Gone.

Why? For most young women today looking to tie the knot – this is extremely frustrating. We work, we earn and we do all the things women have traditionally done and suddenly nobody wants us. I think the frustration comes from the fact that a marriage, in general, isn’t anything to look forward to for men.

Men still subscribe to the ancient notion of what a wedding will bring into their lives a.k.a. responsibility, a loss of freedom, the compulsion of working and earning, shrinking choice… in short nothing that makes life more wonderful. The trade-off used to be a regular sex-partner. Not so anymore.  Modern women make for better girlfriends because regular sex doesn’t have a corresponding price any more.

For women marriage is entirely different. Sample me – I’d like to get married because marriage would spell security, someone always around, increased social standing and the opportunity to be the most beautiful girl for a couple of hours.

The distinction is extremely sharp – modernity has moved men farther and farther away from marriage and stressed-talented young women closer and closer to wanting marriage. It just goes Mark Twain(ish) from here… which brings to the other point of this piece – independence.

I’m told all too often, that I have nothing to complain about. I’m a “bright, talented, independent woman, with my own career, successfully negotiating my own life and my own burdens”. What is there to complain about? There is a serious problem. What human being, man-women-transsexual, doesn’t want some help? If you’re great at your job, does that mean you really want to mop every last table at work, yourself? Independence is overrated. Yes – its great that women are able do their own thing these days, but who claims  that this is what all women want?

Does being smart and rich automatically prevent you from finding someone who will work to protect your interests, show you some love and be there for you? There is nothing great about being able to do it all yourself. Most of us do it out of necessity. We manage, because there isn’t an alternative. Sometimes we wear it like a badge because it makes us feel less sorry for ourselves. Don’t use it against us.

One thought on “Why independence is overrated and marriage difficult…

  1. Marriage is broken, from the male perspective, because under family law, women are legally and financially privileged relative to their husbands.

    Women’s groups and the legal industry have brought this about – it’s up to them to change the institution.

    See http://www.fathersandfamilies.org for some educating examples.


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